Moneydick

“I’m an E-Businessman. E stands for Eternet!

   I spent a while going through a terrible maze of internet marketing promotions, selling systems, auto-sites, and all that crap. I’m doing research on this awful subject because I’m looking to write an ebook, sell it, and see what happens.
   Visiting these sites is like returning to the dark ages of the internet, when “search halper toolbars” and spyware machines vied for your attention. Why am I putting myself through this? I’m putting together a product and I’m trying to find the most painless way to go about it. By drinking up on the industry now, I’ll save myself a lot of grief and work later.
   At least for some of these products that promise to teach internet marketing, the author has put in a lot of work. Across the board, the programs all all seem too proud… The blaring text and “meet the author” embedded videos tend to make me uncomfortable. You’re not a celebrity, so stop trying to be one!
   The most successful products out there tend to teach their victim how to make the most successful product out there. Of course this creates a self-supporting community of robotic iMarketing folks who promote each other’s poorly written ebooks in a $$ fest circle-jerk. The experts teach the underlings, and the underlings return the favor by promoting the product they just bought, often receiving cuts of 70% of the sale.

The Poppa

Mike helped me make $63,493 in 32 seconds

   One of the pros of the industry is Mike Filsaime, the kind of guy who probably has Tony Robbins on his speed dial, teaches at conferences, and owns 3 dozen polo shirts. Business casual indeed. As a top dog, he makes most of money teaching little doggies how to be like him. He throws around terms like ‘autoresponders,’ ‘viral marketing’, and ‘auto-pilot’ as if the process is as simple as pie. All they must do, is buy his most recent exploration on the rapidly changing tactics and tricks of iMarketing.
   His latest is titled ‘Butterfly Marketing,‘ an epic Machiavellian text that essentially details the mechanics of what he has turned into a five million dollar business.
The whole industry is pretty shammy. It has reinvented the idea of ‘paying for knowledge.’ The words on a page have become only as valuable as the hype, testimonials, and rhetoric pushing it.
   Mike Filsaime is one of the few guys who actually leaves his castle to teach people about what he’s discovered about internet marketing. A clever dude, I guess, but he’s definitely not on my side when it comes to designing comfortable websites. They scream at you.
   He’s the kind of Business 1.0 tard who gets his photo shoot done at the mall. But if he makes more than several AFRICAN NATIONS COMBINED in cashola, he might be onto something.

How does Internet Marketing work?

   There are profitable ways to attract, maintain, persuade, guarantee, pursue, and cajole people when it comes to selling something over the internet. Typical products are “Registry Editor Cleaners,” “Super Amazing Spanish Learning Course” and the like…
    The point is always to sell something so hard that the consumer believes they’re just dumb if they don’t buy the damn thing. On the internet you can sell a poorly edited pdf file for three times what it’s worth. All you have to do is offer a 30 days satisfaction guarantee it seems. Because people don’t have enough sense to go through with the return process and get their money back, a crappy venture is always a profitable one.
   It’s an especially lubricated market because it’s very simple to send a product into a viral spiral. There’s no crowding, delivery costs, nagging store agents, or delay. If you want to buy something, you just whip out your credit card and do what the man tells you to do. If you get each person who buys your system to tell a couple friends about it, your product takes care of itself… but would you really put your friends through that?