The Great Guide to the Boozes

By J.C. Calhoun?
boozieydoozyDrinking, or the act of drinking alcoholic beverages, is a pleasurable and exciting activity, when enjoyed in a responsible, intelligent way, or in an irresponsible, stupid way. I present here a guide to drinking in our fair borough of Santa Monica, for those of you whose ages start with 1. Unless you are over 100, in which case you should not be reading, you should be in bed Mr. Thompson, and no your family is not coming to see you. Take your pills.
Step 1. Coming up on some liks.
A touchy subject for many, and one of hot dispute, is how to obtain alcohol. Many methods abound, all of which I will illustrate here, and present their pros and cons.
A. Stealing
The first option is the most obvious, which is stealing. This is a strange one, because it has the greatest benefits, but the worst risks. Most find it an even trade-off, but I would like to think that the cons outweigh the pros for this one. Basically, stealing is bad first of all, and drinking is bad as well, and they make unlikely bedmates. Getting caught stealing means automatically your parents are going to know that you were both stealing, and drinking. And if you’re in a car, that adds a third element of horrible crap to the equation. The physics of stealing are really quite simple, but they depend on what store you’re jacking, and what you are stealing.
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