Spam email: “Monsieur Pontmercy, love my darling child well”

Please excuse the lack of posts, but my laptop was pilfered and I’m without keyboards or hope. For now, I’d like to share with you a recent email:

It’s not often that you get an email as personal as this…

This post is one in a long series of nonsense spam-o-matic spam emails: nonsense that sells nothing.

Funny Spam 6

If you’re a regular to (and my stats say many of you are) you know about my funny spam posts. These are spam emails that arrive in my mailbox with nothing but nonsense filling their ridiculous bodies. Here’s my latest: the fifth posted on this website.
This one has a particular poetic significance that caused it to be posted here:
(to see all of the hilarious robotronic spam messages I’ve received click here.

And this other fellow here, this SaintLuke the Evangelist. You can imagine, then, whether certain thingscan make any impression on me!
Shebecomes a Princess, you say, and Princess of Laurentano: let us say,Queen of Colimbetra!
Any newswas fresh to him, a distant echo of the life of the great worldbeyond.
Yoursalvation rests with yourselves, is what I say.
Shebecomes a Princess, you say, and Princess of Laurentano: let us say,Queen of Colimbetra! But do you know how they live down at PortoEmpedocle? Nocio Pigna went on, stretching outhis long arm with a menacing gesture. I seek my own convenience and theirs at the sametime: is that right?
There are three hundredthousand of us, my boy, at this very moment. Any room will do for me, replied Laurentano. What do you want here, prowling about at this hour in the morning? After a while he shrugged his shoulders and began to look about him. I seek my own convenience and theirs at the sametime: is that right?
And theresplenty of stuff behind it, you know! And this other fellow here, this SaintLuke the Evangelist. Let him come toValsania, now, if you dare!
Well have to find a tutor, a nurse foryou.
Shebecomes a Princess, you say, and Princess of Laurentano: let us say,Queen of Colimbetra! My dear sir,sighed Preola, shutting his eyes. What do you want here, prowling about at this hour in the morning? The patriots and the priests deceived them and aredeceiving them now!
She is going to shut herself up at Colimbetra!
PoorAdelaide, it is too bad really, after waiting fifty years!
Marco Preola was tired: his head drooped, as he murmured:Porto Empedocle. Yoursalvation rests with yourselves, is what I say.
Sciaralla saluted him humbly, then, pointing to the dogs, asked:Can I dismount? Putyour hand on your heart, now, and tell the truth: you dont work atall!

Funny Spam Four

Back with another limited edition release of Moneydick’s Funny Spam spectacular! This latest automagically created ‘prose-amatic.‘ message features a very gothic slant featuring blessed mothers, impending shadows of great affliction, and general confusion. Enjoy.

Subject: very crosscut impish
Message Body [shortened]:

in a sort of calm prophetic agony and I know hell die there sooner than hell overturn
which Casandra had filled with her influence and that occupied my mind sufficiently I should
We went there atthe usual hour and round the study fireside found the correspond and his young
to my poor mother Bless me Lorna battelle how you do remind me of her
The impending shadow of a great affliction and a great disgrace that had no distinct form in it yet
for I saw a faint blush in her face you would have let me find it out for myself
scheme I was shortly afterwards fitted out with a handsome purse of money and a portmanteau
demeanour He never made a suggestion but once and on that occasion I dont know what put
There is a post come in from India I observe he said after a short silence
with me unless it is to confirm what I say You know as well as I do that your cousin Gibson
I intend Dean aiken to get that done immediately it really must be done my right hand and no heart Everyone who knows you consults with you and is guided by you

Funny Spam tharee

The Spam emails are getting more infrequent. Either it’s my school spam filter doing better or my gmail is getting smarter. Most spam messages are absolute crap…99% lack any sort of originality or edge that sets them apart from the trash. But some are sent from high heaven for sure. And with this I begin another edition of Moneydick’s Funny Spam.

This latest one arrived from the lord of words like a pile of confusing on my porch this morn.

Subject: enjoy ur life now

Question, tired of having no doe left over every month or don’t want to
file for bank ruptcy as a way out. Well, that’s how it’s been for me and it
stressing. I’ve been overwhelmed in all this crap, well that was until I
stumbled upon When I visited with them, everything
changed..for the better that is.

The Viking Critical Library edition of Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the
Cuckoo’s Nest” is worth every cent of its price, not that. k for when the
individual’s self-reliance fails. An individual interested drama, for
example, can draw a great deal of pleasure, companionship, and artist

Kesey, that Merry Prankster of being, speaks from the grave like a benevolent ghost in the future’s cold hard shell.

New Funny Spam

My latest spam email that I quickly tagged as ‘hilarious_spam’ reads as such: (bold is mine)

From: Golux

Date: Dec 11, 2005 12:09 AM
Subject: hi

Good day sir,

Lime ited Time Ooffer. Go graab it today.

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We have all the major ebrands of replica watches including iRolex, oTag iHeuer, oPatek uPhilippe,

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COaPY the Addreass below and paste in your weab broawser:

will work for 48 hrs.

EDWARDS: But what have we seen? Relentless negative attacks against John. So in the weeks ahead, we know what’s coming, don’t we?.
Have you practiced jumping yet?.
John was enjoying sleeping near the tree..
Early last month I was still missing sleeping..
I was missing jumping..
Have you practiced jumping yet?.
Jackie is missing jogging by the sea at present..
That flight attendant is not missing playing below the bridge at this exact moment..Then came THE PARENT. (Now, you need to know, I love the parents of the children I teach.) This parent arrived on the scene with her son who had Down?s Syndrome. She wanted a piece of software with REAL photos, one on each screen with the word in text and the word spoken aloud. I looked at her and thought to myself, ?B-O-R-I-N-G. The child will NEVER respond to that.?.Brian was a boy with Down’s Syndrome. He was taking several medications. Brian came from a nurturing family and extended family who provided him with every opportunity. His mother was a teacher and wanted what was best for him. He exhibited no language and was considerably behind his other friends with Down?s Syndrome. We set up a noun program at school. At first he seemed disinterested. He looked at the pictures and sucked his thumb. The more we encouraged him to engage the keyboard, the more he sucked his thumb. We then paired him with a child who was very interested in the noun program. Suddenly the two were fighting over who was next to pick a picture. He worked several times a week at the computer. At his 3-year IEP, the team shook their heads. They didn’t understand. Despite the track record of many students with Down?s Syndrome, Brian’s language was his best skill. I smiled and his mother winked at me..
11. Ninety six bottles of beer, three a’s, three b’s, one c, two d’s, thirty three e’s, seven f’s, one g, ten h’s, nine i’s, four l’s, sixteen n’s, ten o’s, thirteen r’s, twenty three s’s, twenty three t’s, four u’s, four v’s, five w’s, three x’s, and five y’s on the wall..
Don’t you practice cooking nicely?.
You are always missing reading..
The science teachers practiced fighting..

Augustine Peel