Funny Spam Four

Back with another limited edition release of Moneydick’s Funny Spam spectacular! This latest automagically created ‘prose-amatic.‘ message features a very gothic slant featuring blessed mothers, impending shadows of great affliction, and general confusion. Enjoy.

Subject: very crosscut impish
Message Body [shortened]:

in a sort of calm prophetic agony and I know hell die there sooner than hell overturn
which Casandra had filled with her influence and that occupied my mind sufficiently I should
We went there atthe usual hour and round the study fireside found the correspond and his young
to my poor mother Bless me Lorna battelle how you do remind me of her
The impending shadow of a great affliction and a great disgrace that had no distinct form in it yet
for I saw a faint blush in her face you would have let me find it out for myself
scheme I was shortly afterwards fitted out with a handsome purse of money and a portmanteau
demeanour He never made a suggestion but once and on that occasion I dont know what put
There is a post come in from India I observe he said after a short silence
with me unless it is to confirm what I say You know as well as I do that your cousin Gibson
I intend Dean aiken to get that done immediately it really must be done my right hand and no heart Everyone who knows you consults with you and is guided by you

We Have a New Contender!

Tim talks about Spiders, Male order brides, and what he would do with a million dollars….

Audio Introduction by Tim himself (warning: fbombs) Click

fresh like mamma's bread! To go directly to Tim’s Diary click here!
I met this guy on the street the other day named Tim. He told me all these things that blew my head right off. Being the internet-type, I told him to write a blog to get his words down. I’ve heard a lot of things outta mouths in my life, and I can guarantee that this man’s got nothing but emerald rubies spewing from his.
So here’s his blog. It’s really easy to remember: MONEYDICK.COM/TIM
Make yourself a regular, because there’s nothing regular about missing Tim’s wisdom.

Oh look, his first post!

WoW! Life is fuckin sweet. Only if you have the right perspective. Some people lose knowledge from television and some people gain from it. I try to look at like as an extreemly long playing telivision show. At some times there are commercials, those are unimportant feeling time that may or may not inflouence your life. There is also the main show- interaction with your friends or people you don’t even know. Sometimes its not even an event or anything its just pieces of enlightenment that are reached at the most random times. The point is that life can be a comedy, horrer, drama, action, or whatever the fuck you want. Just modify your perspective so that it is more broad and allows you to see more of the picture. Then again i could watch telivision on a television, the question is who is inflouencing “my mind” or the actual “television show.” Knowledge is power.
————Tim JiGGer

Drug Survey Results for Vassar College

Drug Survey Results for Vassar College are in:

“Dear Vassar Students…

We would like to mention that the survey represents a significant
portion of the student body given that 44% of you completed the survey.
Congratulations! This is nearly double the responses we have received
in the past.

Here are some of the highlights of the survey results:

… 62% of Vassar students do not smoke cigarettes
… 21% of Vassar students average ZERO drinks per week
… 41% of Vassar students have never used marijuana
… 64% of Vassar students use marijuana less than 6 times per year
… 96% of Vassar students have never used ecstasy
… 50% of Vassar students never binge drink (5 or more drinks in a 2
hour sitting)
… 89% of Vassar students have never driven a car under the influence of
alcohol or drugs

Finally, while 69% of you believe your fellow students drink 5 or more
drinks per week, in reality 56% of you drink less than four!”

There ya have it.