Spam email: “Monsieur Pontmercy, love my darling child well”

Please excuse the lack of posts, but my laptop was pilfered and I’m without keyboards or hope. For now, I’d like to share with you a recent email:

It’s not often that you get an email as personal as this…

This post is one in a long series of nonsense spam-o-matic spam emails: nonsense that sells nothing.

Back in LA – Time for Tacos

The Taco Truck Calls Me

Filled with pictures and tales of amazing tacos in LA county, The Taco Hunt has always called to me across hill and dale during lonely (taco-less) seasons I spend on the east coast. But now I can make use of the great compendium of Taco knowledge, especially the 2 year anniversary post here.

The author ‘Bandini’ also has many photos on his Flickr account.

I’m a big Fan of the airbrush art on the sides of Taco Trucks. This photo by Matt Logelin gets it right.

In more Food Related news, the 30 Days of Spam internet superhero made it. Read his internet serial of Spam concoctions over the spam of what looks like a beautiful month.
photo by santos

Funny Spam 6

If you’re a regular to (and my stats say many of you are) you know about my funny spam posts. These are spam emails that arrive in my mailbox with nothing but nonsense filling their ridiculous bodies. Here’s my latest: the fifth posted on this website.
This one has a particular poetic significance that caused it to be posted here:
(to see all of the hilarious robotronic spam messages I’ve received click here.

And this other fellow here, this SaintLuke the Evangelist. You can imagine, then, whether certain thingscan make any impression on me!
Shebecomes a Princess, you say, and Princess of Laurentano: let us say,Queen of Colimbetra!
Any newswas fresh to him, a distant echo of the life of the great worldbeyond.
Yoursalvation rests with yourselves, is what I say.
Shebecomes a Princess, you say, and Princess of Laurentano: let us say,Queen of Colimbetra! But do you know how they live down at PortoEmpedocle? Nocio Pigna went on, stretching outhis long arm with a menacing gesture. I seek my own convenience and theirs at the sametime: is that right?
There are three hundredthousand of us, my boy, at this very moment. Any room will do for me, replied Laurentano. What do you want here, prowling about at this hour in the morning? After a while he shrugged his shoulders and began to look about him. I seek my own convenience and theirs at the sametime: is that right?
And theresplenty of stuff behind it, you know! And this other fellow here, this SaintLuke the Evangelist. Let him come toValsania, now, if you dare!
Well have to find a tutor, a nurse foryou.
Shebecomes a Princess, you say, and Princess of Laurentano: let us say,Queen of Colimbetra! My dear sir,sighed Preola, shutting his eyes. What do you want here, prowling about at this hour in the morning? The patriots and the priests deceived them and aredeceiving them now!
She is going to shut herself up at Colimbetra!
PoorAdelaide, it is too bad really, after waiting fifty years!
Marco Preola was tired: his head drooped, as he murmured:Porto Empedocle. Yoursalvation rests with yourselves, is what I say.
Sciaralla saluted him humbly, then, pointing to the dogs, asked:Can I dismount? Putyour hand on your heart, now, and tell the truth: you dont work atall!

Funny Spam Four

Back with another limited edition release of Moneydick’s Funny Spam spectacular! This latest automagically created ‘prose-amatic.‘ message features a very gothic slant featuring blessed mothers, impending shadows of great affliction, and general confusion. Enjoy.

Subject: very crosscut impish
Message Body [shortened]:

in a sort of calm prophetic agony and I know hell die there sooner than hell overturn
which Casandra had filled with her influence and that occupied my mind sufficiently I should
We went there atthe usual hour and round the study fireside found the correspond and his young
to my poor mother Bless me Lorna battelle how you do remind me of her
The impending shadow of a great affliction and a great disgrace that had no distinct form in it yet
for I saw a faint blush in her face you would have let me find it out for myself
scheme I was shortly afterwards fitted out with a handsome purse of money and a portmanteau
demeanour He never made a suggestion but once and on that occasion I dont know what put
There is a post come in from India I observe he said after a short silence
with me unless it is to confirm what I say You know as well as I do that your cousin Gibson
I intend Dean aiken to get that done immediately it really must be done my right hand and no heart Everyone who knows you consults with you and is guided by you

Nigerian 419 Scammers, and the Scammers who Scam Them Back

A Nigerian Scammer Gets Scammed

Subject: KINDLY GIVE THIS AN URGENT ATTENTION I saw this one groggy morning in my inbox. Fine. I’ll give you an urgent attention. The next sentence in the email read: I’m contacting over my discovery about your love for charity and Humanitarian services. Oh. That’s nice. You’re one of those Nigerian Scammers I’ve heard about thinks I. Moments before I clicked the ‘Report Spam’ button on my Gmail inbox I decided it might be more fun to play along. Though the woman (or man) who wrote me asked for my nationality, sex, business phone and fax so she could quickly send me the $20 million dollars or so (allowing me to keep a co mission), I bluntly responded with: “My name is Johanne. Call me and we can take things from there.” I plan to record the conversation, so don’t worry.
I found some great ideas on how to scam the scammers at 419 Eater, a depository for info and email logs of various Nigerian scams. It’s a very impressive collection of scammers who are joyously messed with. Some crafty folks featured on this site request images of the of the scammer as a “security measure” making sure they hold up a sign with something completely ridiculous written on it. And from the site, the reasons why these scams happen in the first place:

Several reasons have been submitted why Nigerian Advance Fee Fraud has undergone a dramatic increase in recent years. The explanations are as diverse as the types of schemes. The Nigerian Government blames the growing problem on mass unemployment, extended family systems, a get rich quick syndrome, and, especially, the greed of foreigners.
Indications are that Advance Fee Fraud grosses hundreds of millions of dollars annually and the losses are continuing to escalate. In all likelihood, there are victims who do not report their losses to authorities due to either fear or embarrassment.