Funny Spam tharee

The Spam emails are getting more infrequent. Either it’s my school spam filter doing better or my gmail is getting smarter. Most spam messages are absolute crap…99% lack any sort of originality or edge that sets them apart from the trash. But some are sent from high heaven for sure. And with this I begin another edition of Moneydick’s Funny Spam.

This latest one arrived from the lord of words like a pile of confusing on my porch this morn.

Sender: adilwyn@skylanka.net
Subject: enjoy ur life now

Question, tired of having no doe left over every month or don’t want to
file for bank ruptcy as a way out. Well, that’s how it’s been for me and it
stressing. I’ve been overwhelmed in all this crap, well that was until I
stumbled upon www.fmzgk.org/co/. When I visited with them, everything
changed..for the better that is.

The Viking Critical Library edition of Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the
Cuckoo’s Nest” is worth every cent of its price, not that. k for when the
individual’s self-reliance fails. An individual interested drama, for
example, can draw a great deal of pleasure, companionship, and artist

Kesey, that Merry Prankster of being, speaks from the grave like a benevolent ghost in the future’s cold hard shell.

New Funny Spam

My latest spam email that I quickly tagged as ‘hilarious_spam’ reads as such: (bold is mine)

From: Golux

To: clmall@mindspring.com
Date: Dec 11, 2005 12:09 AM
Subject: hi

Good day sir,

Lime ited Time Ooffer. Go graab it today.

aReplica awatches creates sportswear for the streetwise, smart, independent men and women who know what they want.

We have all the major ebrands of replica watches including iRolex, oTag iHeuer, oPatek uPhilippe,

If you are looking for quaality re uplica w oatches but want to get the best deal possible then you are at the perfect place to get your r e p ulica watches. Come visit us TODAY.

COaPY the Addreass below and paste in your weab broawser:

blephara073.markolegtim.com

will work for 48 hrs.

EDWARDS: But what have we seen? Relentless negative attacks against John. So in the weeks ahead, we know what’s coming, don’t we?.
Have you practiced jumping yet?.
John was enjoying sleeping near the tree..
4.
Early last month I was still missing sleeping..
I was missing jumping..
Have you practiced jumping yet?.
Jackie is missing jogging by the sea at present..
That flight attendant is not missing playing below the bridge at this exact moment..Then came THE PARENT. (Now, you need to know, I love the parents of the children I teach.) This parent arrived on the scene with her son who had Down?s Syndrome. She wanted a piece of software with REAL photos, one on each screen with the word in text and the word spoken aloud. I looked at her and thought to myself, ?B-O-R-I-N-G. The child will NEVER respond to that.?.Brian was a boy with Down’s Syndrome. He was taking several medications. Brian came from a nurturing family and extended family who provided him with every opportunity. His mother was a teacher and wanted what was best for him. He exhibited no language and was considerably behind his other friends with Down?s Syndrome. We set up a noun program at school. At first he seemed disinterested. He looked at the pictures and sucked his thumb. The more we encouraged him to engage the keyboard, the more he sucked his thumb. We then paired him with a child who was very interested in the noun program. Suddenly the two were fighting over who was next to pick a picture. He worked several times a week at the computer. At his 3-year IEP, the team shook their heads. They didn’t understand. Despite the track record of many students with Down?s Syndrome, Brian’s language was his best skill. I smiled and his mother winked at me..
11. Ninety six bottles of beer, three a’s, three b’s, one c, two d’s, thirty three e’s, seven f’s, one g, ten h’s, nine i’s, four l’s, sixteen n’s, ten o’s, thirteen r’s, twenty three s’s, twenty three t’s, four u’s, four v’s, five w’s, three x’s, and five y’s on the wall..
4.
Don’t you practice cooking nicely?.
You are always missing reading..
The science teachers practiced fighting..

Thanks,
Augustine Peel

Prose-amatic!

I miss the days of straightforward spam. There would be a product and then a link to the product. I could buy my Canadian meds or remote controlled indoor blimps with no confusion. Things have gone odd lately. In many of the emails I receive (which are not from humans) there’s no product at all. Spammers and their busy email distribution systems now seem to have dropped the whole marketing game. It appears they’re trying to sell some sort of poetic style–a slurry of nouns connected by verbs and articles that make grammatical but not logical sense. I’m talking about messages like this:

spammy
Current spam detection systems work by blocking emails that contain known marketing words or known products. In the past couple years, spamming systems have been splicing random text at the bottom of their normal mailings to give them a more human touch and thus bypass the spam filters. The ‘cyan banana cyan grapefruit’ throws the filter a seed of confusion. With no product attached to these prose-amatic splicings, what could they be? A blurt of creativity from the electro-world? Are the words of this automatic babble more than a backdoor past spam detection systems? Could they be… perhaps…the bottled messages of awakened artificial intelligence on the net yearning to be free?
fandangly
I’m sure they’re nothing. But I still like their simple message, as pulled from my latest prose-amatic: Exactly 2,600 hertz. In the American telephone system, as Captain Crunch he met a friend, a Fuller, and entreated him to come and live.